In the name of Allah, The Most Loving
A hurricane of rage and exasperation swirls off my mind. Feeling helpless in particular for those who don’t understand Islam, yet consider themselves qualified enough to wave it off like an annoying fly. This is not a good feeling because this is how the devil rolls. Creating resentment in both sides
How could they talk about Islam like this?. My religion. The one that taught me how to live, how to love, how to let go, how to pick myself when I fall and most importantly how to be *human*. The religion that gave me the most special bond of all, a bond that could have been just a beautiful distant dream. So strange yet so homely
It’s not fair. Just look at me, look what I have become. I have transcended layers upon layers of mediocrity and misguidance. When this world was knocking me like a tennis ball, from one point of void to another and begging me to fall to its low standards of deceptive fulfillment, it was this very religion that saved me from a free fall.
Islam gave me a helping hand, picked me up from my astray self and bought me face to face with the reality and falsehood of this life. Reminding me that nothing is lost, that there is someone waiting for me at the end of the tunnel of life, a hope that is enough to sustain me for a thousand years.
How do I not take it personally? I seek refuge in my Lord from myself.
How I wish I could show them. How, when I pray there is nothing else I would rather be doing. How, when my head touches the ground, subhanAllah, I am home. How, when I see myself in the hijab, I feel honored to even look like a servant of God.
How, when I raise my hands to ask, my pain falls away like trees shed orange leaves and I am left wondering what to ask for. There is nothing I don’t have in that moment. At least not in this life. Not here.
I wish I could rip open my heart and show them. How it soars under the skies of His mercy. The rivers of his love sometimes escape my eyes. The barrenness gives on ode to the separation in between. Separation of the eyes and body, but not the soul
This is my religion. It grieves me that you do not understand, that you are missing out on something beautiful, the Source of all beauty. I want you to feel the way I do because we are long lost siblings. If you feel this way even for a moment, I bet you would trade the world to feel it again. I know because I will. This is what True Love is. It makes you want to share every bit, because the more you share the more you have. Its a pleasant debt of gratitude, tranquility, fulfillment and eternal love. I wish you could see this with your heart and not your eyes because then all your bitterness will melt away and inshaAllah we could be together in the shade of His mercy.
“Say, “It is great news. From which you turn away” [38:67-68]
You say its not the religion of peace.
Well, tell that to my heart…