So Ramadan is almost here (OMG!!!) And I am (suprisingly) finding myself a little tooo excited than I would have thought. This would be my second inshaAllah and I have no idea how it would be. Would I be able to match up to my first?
Ahhh my first Ramadan. I can’t help but look back at that special time. It feels like yesterday and then…it feels like eons ago. Okay I didn’t have many goals and wasn’t even aware of how blessed it is.
Its unbelievable to think I had almost missed it.
Last month was my revert anniversary Alhamdulilahhhh. Last year there was not a doubt in my mind that I had to convert, what clouded me with worries was whether I would be able to live up to the obligation and responsibilities that comes with being a muslim. Muslim.A word whose meaning had taken a 180 degree turn for me. But indeed Allah ta’ala has His ways. And even if I did a million sujoods I will never be able to be as thankful as I want to be for all of this. Specially last year’s Ramadan
Here’s why I was going to miss it. Few days before I took my shahada I’d taken a long leave from work and so I thought it would be hard for me to pray all my prayers on time anyways and as Ramadan was approaching it would get even harder to fast without my mother finding out about it. My mind was swimming in chaos because my heart was pulling me hard in the other direction.
“Take the shahada already!! You are a muslim! Like almost”
“No ways, not before Ramadan atleast. How are you gonna pretend to be eating for almost 15 hours???”
“Oh common, you just eat thrice in 15 hours, at the least”
“Be practical dude and I am not even considering the 5 prayers. Where are you gonna hide the chicken curry and all the fried fish on non-veg day? And what if you are caught while having suhoor? Midnight snacking pffft”
And it went on, seriously. Did I just sound like shaitaan? But subhanAllah indeed all praise and thanks belongs to Allah ta’ala.
….And whoever fears Allah – He will make for him a way out. And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah – then He is sufficient for him…. [65:2-3]
I read these words and some where I knew I had to do it.
SubhanAllah!! You cannot just hear or read this and not be affected by it. And at the point I was, this was the only push I needed. The words that melted away my apprehensions and I was ready to take the leap of faith. So after I took my shahada I still had no idea what to expect during Ramadan but I was at peace. And that translated into the most amazing one month of my life and the greatest memories between me and my Allah ^.^
It was a lot lot more blissful than I could have ever expected or imagined in my wildest dreams, ever. I had never fasted that long and the first few days were hard but then it got easier. It always does 🙂 SubhanAllah, is this how tawwakul starts to feel? Now, I still have a lot to learn about having tawwakul but I don’t have to look far to know how it feels in the heart.
This is a new year, new hopes and manyyy goals 🙂 And this time around I am not setting my hopes just to get through like last time but a lot more higher. All I know is He is indeed the Most Generous and this is Ramadan people!!!!! You don’t go out in pouring rain and expect to just be damp. You expect to be drenched. Head to toe, heart to soul.
For the sneaky suhoors, the tea that went down the drain, the hidden meals, the “still fresh for iftar” lunches, the love at first sip of water after the fasts, the sister who had your share of food so you could pretend to be eating, the blessed days and nights and the hopes of a more blessed and amazing Ramadan! Alhamdulilah for each one and more for the blessings and bounties you have no idea about.
May this Ramadan be a source of immense mercy, love, forgiveness, blessings, bounties and joy for all. May Allah subhan wa ta’ala accept it from us. Ameen
Brace yourselves…Ramadan is almost here!!!
image from djbooth.net