The need to know

key-in-door

We humans are a curious lot. We always need want to be in the know. I, especially on most occasions find myself with a burning desire to be privy to what’s happening with me and not out of some noble way. It’s more of a selfish thing.

Like when someone cancels on me. I take it all personally. Oh God, I do.

And then I need to know what in the world is so important as to justify canceling of a commitment. As if the world revolves around me. It’s a dangerous monologue that involves no other perspective except my own. I can’t be blamed for being impatient when I don’t even understand what I need to be patient with right? I confess I let my thoughts lead me instead of the other way around.

Sometimes you need patience with the need to know itself. People have their own perspective and may be yours just doesn’t figures in theirs. And even if it does, it may be way off. But then those expectations are not going to fulfill themselves are they? -_-

[Al-Khidh r] said, “This is parting between me and you. I will inform you of the interpretation of that about which you could not have patience. [18:78]

I need so much of the patience (and the interpretation) this verse speaks of in my life right now. May Allah forgive me.

There is knowledge and then there is unnecessary information. And in an age where you are a Google search away from what you need to know, not getting answers is downright unacceptable. It even surprises me  when I don’t get answers to really personal questions like “why do I feel this way?”

I am not good at being patient. It’s a boot camp. As soon as you think you are getting there, the goal post has shifted. I especially find it tough to be patient with specific people. May be just because I don’t understand them. Like some mental wall goes up against the unknown and terrifying. A brutal shield. Will it break with the opening of the heart? I don’t really know.

Indeed our Prophet (saw) told us, “Part of the perfection of one’s Islam is his leaving that which does not concern him.” [Tirmidhi]

Now I understand this is with regards to actionable knowledge that helps you become a better Muslim. And I find this really profound because I can’t relate when someone wonders on small things like what kind of clothing someone wears under their abaya because some religious fanatics on the other side of earth may take offense if its tight western clothing. What the heck?

I can’t understand someone who is enamored by the number of expensive beauty products in someone’s dressing table instead of the riches and luxuries awaiting the slaves of Allah in the next life.

I can’t understand someone who fusses over the mental note another person makes about their impressive appearance instead of expecting them to see through the façade to what truly matters.

I can’t understand why someone would care about the Islamic perspective of the political situation of a muslim country instead of the Islamic perspective on the problems and issues in their own life as well.

I know I’m rambling but just bear with me for a sec. I really need to get this out there.  I think I’ll never get some people.

By the grace of God’s magnificent plans, they and I not just crossed paths but somehow became good friends. I wonder if we are growing apart now and I shouldn’t be associating with them anymore. Or I just need to be more patient because we are tied together with the rope of our friendship’s torrid history and I may be the only practicing Muslim or a close friend or a confidante they have?

Because wasn’t I like that before and still am at times? Until Allah guided me to better? To Islam. How am I to deal with a personality I no longer relate to when I am still learning patience and acceptance myself.

These are the kind of situations where I am clueless about my role. To forever be a seeker. Ya Allah get me in on this information. I need to know…or do I?

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